Almost exactly four years ago, I wrote a blog titled The 40 year journey. I would like to continue telling my story in the mini series of our ’40 year’ journey.
Today’s is a blog of celebration, of praise, because I witnessed the sovereign grace of God with our personal parting of the sea. Jack graduated from high school where 48 hours before the final grade cut off date, that possibility was hanging on the line. After twelve years of blood, sweat and tears, right when he was almost at the finish line, he was not able to fulfill a part of a class requirement due to his anxiety disorder. He was also self sabotaging, resigned to failing during his senior year, absorbed with self doubt, unable to cope with the social and academic pressures
But the impossible happened inspite of Jack, inspite of the people and system which failed him. It is not modesty that prevents me from claiming credit for his achievements. There was nothing we had not done, no option we had not explored, but all our efforts were offset by elements beyond us – the moving parts, the 90% of life, comprising events and other people’s actions out of our control, and Jack himself.
In the familiar story of the Jews fleeing slavery in Egypt, Moses failed to convince Pharaoh to release the Israelites. God sent 10 plagues, till Pharaoh finally reluctantly agreed. But he reneged on the promise, climaxing in the final chase and just when a nation of people seemed doomed, standing before the vast sea, God parted it and made a path where men, women, children, livestock crossed safely into freedom. Ours was not epic nor historic, featuring our tiny family, yet one young man’s fate was no less important to God than a nation. Just like the exodus of the Jews from Egypt, in the same way that Pharaoh refused to let the people go, the school refused to relent, not honoring the services on his IEP (Individualized Education Plan*) as his teacher played hardball refusing to acknowledge his mental illness.
We exhausted every avenue as the days closed in on us. I prayed and pleaded with God to soften the teacher’s heart so she will accommodate him with an alternative way to fulfill the project requirement. Our biggest fear was that Jack would be destroyed by such a humiliating blow of shame and self hate if he failed to graduate with his peers. I hear too many devastating stories at the NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) support group where young (mostly) men who are emotionally and mentally fragile are dealt blows they never recover from. Some kill themselves, others suffer from psychosis, and many end up on the streets, alcoholics, addicts as they try to self soothe. My spirit was crushed as the school and teacher closed each door till we stood at our Red Sea. God didn’t change his teacher’s heart. Even when it meant Jack could hurt himself as they pushed him to the edge.
Instead God changed Jack. He gave him courage. Literally, at the 48th hour, two days before final grades were due, on the final day of the senior project, when every option was denied to us, when my heart could not contain one more worry, God parted the sea. In a dramatic turn of events, Jack overcame his fears. It was like a person with fear of heights jumping off the bungee. The impossible happened. He completed the last requirement for his assignment which would have prevented him from graduating. My dear 85 year old friend Becky, summed it best, “their hardened hearts made Jack’s heart brave”.
“Not grace to bar what is not bliss,
Nor flight from distress, but this,
The grace that orders our trouble and pain,
And then, in the darkness, is there to sustain”.
(Desiring God, John Piper)
I had often asked myself why God doesn’t make Jack’s path and our lives a little easier. Maybe remove some stones and thorns. He doesn’t. But he gives us shoes for the journey and friends to lighten the load. Author and preacher John Piper aptly calls it “sustaining grace”. Piper explains that it “does not prevent pain, but orders, arranges and measures our pain, and then in the darkness is there to sustain”. Excerpt from Piper’s Desiring God
Jack achieved several other milestones during high school, all through a series of seemingly disparate events and “coincidences” which have led him to complete all the necessary credits to earn a diploma, in addition to becoming a varsity athlete and passing his written and behind the wheel driving tests.
I still couldn’t tell you how Jack’s story will end. But that day God parted the sea is my assurance that He is the
one who has Jack’s back. That the same way he brought the Israelites safely into the land of milk and honey, He will do the same for Jack. Not according to how I think it will be done, only better. I have lived and tasted the goodness of the Lord. He is faithful when I faltered. When my eyes turned to my circumstances instead of His immutable character, when I was consumed by doubt and fear, He did not judge me. Instead He heard a mother’s desperate cries for her son and rescues him. He did not punish Jack as the world would, like the system which was supposed to help him turned their backs on him. But God extended us grace. Grace is undeserving, it’s free, it’s unearned, unmerited, and with God, it’s infinite.
The early composers like Bach and Handel signed off their music with Soli Deo Gloria, Latin for “to the glory of God alone”, to signify that the work was produced for the sake of praising God. And that’s the song of my heart. Jack’s mind and spirit, broken in so many ways, his life, unremarkable, will somehow bring glory to God.
Read also:
The 40 Year Journey
What the School Doesn’t Tell You
* The Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) is a plan or program developed to ensure that a child who has a disability identified under the law and is attending an elementary or secondary educational institution receives specialized instruction and related services.